Grief

This week, I've experienced my first real feeling of grief. The only people in my life who have passed away before now, were my great-grandparents. Although that was sad, they had lived in the North my whole life, so I very rarely saw them. I didn't know them very well, and I don't have any strong memories that tied me to them. So although yes, it was sad, I never experienced that grief. 

Last week, my grandad passed away. He'd been ill for the last 10 years or so as his lungs were failing after his smoking habits when he was younger (don't smoke, kids!). He lived in Cornwall with his wife, so we'd drive down to see him every year. It was sad to see his health deteriorate every time we saw him, but unlike my great grandparents, I have vivid memories of him from when I was younger, so even though we had been expecting this for years, it was a huge shock to the system when we actually heard the news. 

Luckily, I was staying with Mr. T. when I found out, so had access to unlimited hugs when I needed them, and it was easier to distract myself from being sad as I wasn't just wallowing in my room. I was experiencing sporadic explosions of tears on the day he passed, but I calmed down a lot after that first day. Of course I was still upset, but I was thinking more about the memories I have of him before he got ill, and was glad that he no longer had to constantly be hooked up to his oxygen tank. 

The normal grieving process is that you have the initial shock, the initial emotions, the acceptance, and then the funeral. The funeral is where the whole family can gather, everyone that loved the one you lost, together in one place, to say their last goodbyes...

But of course, things can't always be that simple with my family. 

In the last few days, my mum, my aunt, me, my brother and sister, and my cousins - every direct family member - have been blocked (our numbers and Facebook profiles) by his wife. For no reason at all. My mum has been nothing but supportive, not just in the last week, but throughout the entire time we've known her. And as soon as he's no longer with us, she drops us like flies. 

My aunt rang the funeral director in the hopes of finding out when the funeral is, as we have no way of contacting her to find out. She was told that she has specifically requested that he not tell anyone when or where the funeral is taking place, and because she is the next of kin, he has to respect her wishes. 

How anyone can be so cruel, so evil, as to stop someone from going to their own dad's funeral is simply disgusting. Grief does some weird things to people, but we can't pin in down to that. There's no excuse for what she's done, and quite frankly, she can rot for all I care! At the end of the day, we can live knowing that we did absolutely nothing wrong to warrant being treated like that. She has to live with the guilt of stopping her late husband's family from saying goodbye to him. 

We will of course be having our own memorial back home, planting a tree in our garden for him, and setting off some helium balloons, and remembering him how we'd like to - without this horrible, evil, bitch of a woman in tow.

It just puts everything from the last 15 years into question. We welcomed her into our family. We thought she'd accepted us as family too. But what if all of it was a lie? What if she was playing us all from the start? Maybe she was always after the little money my grandad had, so as soon as he is gone, she wants nothing more to do with us. If there is truth to that, I just don't see why she couldn't have waited until after the funeral to drop us. She's a disgusting, evil woman, and I'm glad to have nothing to do with her from now on.

I know this has been a very ranty post, and to be honest, I'm not even sure if I'm going to upload it. I've always said that this blog is a form of therapy for me, and I just needed to write out my feelings. I don't expect anyone to have finished this post, but if you have, thank you. I hope that none of you have to experience anything like this when you're trying to grieve a loved one. 

The Future Is Scary...

It's just turned midnight, and I was lying in bed when all of these random thoughts started popping into my head. All of which involve the future. 

The future is a scary thought, but it can also be exciting. In just a few short weeks, I will embark on the journey to become a primary school teacher. If that's not enough to scare someone, I don't know what is. It's a year long course that will determine my potential career path. If I pass, I'll become a Newly Qualified Teacher, and a year after that, I'll be fully qualified. And if I don't pass... well, I don't have a clue what I'll do with my life. 

Say for argument's sake, I do pass. I'll be a teacher to children from the ages of 3 to 11. I'll be a role model... And that freaks me out. Kids will look to me to help them to learn, potentially come to me for help or advice, and that's scary. 

If I pass, I'll be able to afford to move out of my mum's house, out of shared accommodation, and into a place of my own. Even though it's still a year away, I've been looking at flats and houses within my price range, looking at furniture shops and Pinterest for ideas on how I could really make a place my own (a fireplace and a bay window are of course, preferable). And even though I've always wanted a place of my own, it's nerve-wracking to think that it'll actually be mine. 

There's so many things I'd like to do in the future. I'd love to get married one day, but again, the thought is so scary right now, and if Mr T popped the question tomorrow, I'd freak out and panic. It's an exciting thought for the future, but for right now, I'm happy where we are! 

The same goes for kids. I'm sure when I'm older, I'll decide I want children, but like hell could I have one anytime soon! I don't believe that anyone should have a child if they don't have the time, funds or motivation to raise it properly. 

I'd like to have my own car, but I'm currently still waiting for my provisional licence to turn up so I can actually start my lessons! That's gonna have to wait a while! 

This post has been a bit rambly, but I guess the point of this is that yes, the future is such a scary thought. It can freak you out to think how quickly and how much your life can change. But at the same time, it can be so exciting to sit and think about what you'd want to change at some point, whether it be next week, next year, or in 10 years! 

What are you excited to happen in your own future? I'd love to hear! 

London Views and Bradley Cooper

Last Saturday, it was my dearest mother's birthday, so to mark the occasion, I took her on a surprise trip to London where she had literally no idea what the plans were! 

Our first stop was the Sky Garden on Fenchurch Street. I'd heard good things about this place from a friend and it sounded right up my mum's street! So up we went in the lift, 36 floors in 12 seconds, and entered one of the strangest rooms I think I've ever been in. 

It was basically what it says on the tin: a garden in the sky! As we walked in, we were greeted to a bar and restaurant, with a balcony giving us access to an incredible view of the London skyline. And lemme tell ya, my mum's a sucker for a good view! 

There were really quirky touches to the place, like this bright yellow bike, just chilling by the door! 

And then you walk up some stairs, and BAM! It felt like a much lower scale version of one of the botanical gardens at Kew. 

It truly was beautiful, and as the building was made of glass, it gave us a 360 degree view of the entire city! 

If you're ever in London and have a little time to spare, I'd definitely recommend the Sky Garden. Tickets are FREE and can be booked up to 2 weeks in advance from here!

After a quick pit stop at Starbucks, we went to Pizza Express for dinner - a personal favourite of mine! Mum had a voucher for a free bottle of prosecco as a birthday gift from the restaurant, which was the perfect touch to the celebrations. We shared the Dough Balls Doppio to start - I can't go to Pizza Express without getting these! And for our mains, I got the Margherita Bufala, and mum got La Reine, which we would both recommend! 

And for the final stop on the surprise birthday adventure, I took her to the Haymarket Theatre. For this. 

I'd heard some amazing reviews of the broadway show, and didn't even realise it was coming to London until my housemates told me they'd booked tickets! So naturally, I went online straight away and snapped up two tickets!

My mum is a huge Bradley Cooper fan, so I knew she'd love it, even if the play itself is a little dark. But oh me oh my! It was emotional, it was funny, it was just brilliant. The acting was amazing, from all three leads, not just Mr Cooper! But he obviously gets the main applause here, as he was just tremendous! I would recommend buying a ticket, but by the time this post goes live, the show will have ended its run! Just take my word for it that it was amazing! 

After the show, we legged it to stage door, where we got some of the cast members to sign our programme. Including Bradley Cooper. He looked at me, smiled, and said "of course" when I asked him to sign it. That is all. 

It really was a fantastic day, and I'm so glad my dearest mother enjoyed herself! 

Have you treated anyone special in your life to anything interesting lately? Put it in the comments below, I'd love to hear your stories! 

Warner Brothers Studio Tour

If you know me, you'll know that I've always been a huge fan of the Harry Potter series. So when Warner Brother announced that they would be opening up some of the original sets and props from the film franchise to the public back in 2012, me and my sister booked tickets for that April! 

I loved everything about it. The sets were exactly how they looked in the films, the props were made with such intricate detail, the concept art was so in depth, and it was just so much fun to interact with the world I had come to love for so long. They even have an entire room filled with wand boxes, each of which has the name of a cast or crew member that worked on each film! 

In April 2015, I went back again for my dear friend Jaymi's 21st birthday! This year, they introduced the Hogwart's Express - yes, you can actually go on it! Although this post is just a tad late, I figured some of you would take pleasure from the amount of photos I took on the day!