Blogmas Day 18: The Christmas Tag

1. Favourite Christmas Movie?

Either Elf or The Santa Clause. Both are so nostalgic to me. 

2. Do you open your presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning?

Morning, always. We'd always beg our mum to let us open one on Christmas Eve, but "it's not Christmas yet. It was always worth the wait, though. 

3. Favourite Christmas memory?

I don't have one specific memory, I just always remember waking up super early, my brother running into mine and my sister's room, and we'd just sit and chat, while opening our stockings, waiting for my mum to get up. 

4. Favourite festive food?

I touched on this in Blogmas Day 10, but I love a good Christmas dinner. Pigs in blankets... *salivates*

5. Favourite Christmas gift?

I was very lucky as a child to be given loads of really cool toys, but the one that really stands out to me was a Bratz runway catwalk thing. Their shoes would fit onto plastic clips that you put on the runway, and when you turned it on, they would literally walk down the runway. It was pretty damn cool. 

6. Favourite Christmas scent?

I love sweet candle scents like Yankee Candle's Christmas Cookie, but for an actual real-life scent? The smell of the Christmas dinner cooking!

7. Christmas Eve traditions?

We'll usually get some form of takeaway, watch a Christmassy movie, and when we were younger, would always leave out a mince pie for Father Christmas and a carrot for the reindeer. 

8. What tops your tree?

We always have an angel at the top of the tree. 

9. As a kid, what was the one (crazy, wild, extravagant gift you always asked for but never received?

I don't remember anything specific, in fact, I don't remember ever being disappointed that I didn't get anything. 

10. What's the best part about Christmas for you?

Being with my family. It's just so nice to sit around, chatting, and eating good food with the people you love the most. 

If you do this tag, feel free to send me the link, I'd love to read it! 7 days to go! 

Blogmas Day 16: Birthday Thanks

Welcome to Blogmas Day 16, which just so happens to be my 21st birthday *happy dance*! I intend on spending the day with some of my favourite people, so unfortunately this post isn't too exciting. Tomorrow's however, should definitely make up for it! 

I just wanted to use today's post as a way to say thank you, to all of my friends and family, for every card, present, or well-wish I've received today. I feel like I don't say it enough. So thank you. I'm so lucky to have people in my life who care about me enough to do these little things. 

Take time out of your day to thank someone. Whether it's your parents, a sibling, a boyfriend/girlfriend, a friend, anyone who you appreciate. Just say thank you for being a part of your life.

Lastly, I want to thank you. Thank you for reading my rants. Thank you for every view, every like, favourite, retweet or follow. I'm grateful to each and every one of you. So thank you. 

Blogmas Day 8: Stress

For today's post, I thought I'd get a little deep with you guys. I won't lie to you, the last few weeks have proved majorly stressful for me. The pressures of "the future" have gotten a little too high, and I've realised just how quickly things have come around. 

I've got 4 months until my final essay for university is due in, and 7 months until my graduation. I've known for a while that I wanted to do a PGCE course after uni to become a primary school teacher, so the last few weeks have been a rush of completing uni deadlines, writing my UCAS teacher application, making sure my references are completed, and booking skills tests (before you can undertake the course, you have to have completed a Literacy and Numeracy skills test). To be frank, it's been utter chaos. I've never been used to this much pressure at one time. What if I'm not accepted? I have no backup at all, as much as I love it at home, there's no way I want to go back to living with my parents. 

With Christmas around the corner, I was expecting to be full of festive cheer, not struggling to find old GCSE certificates, spending money on train tickets for interviews and tests, researching current educational issues and curriculums, planning presentations, trying to focus on essays, all while trying to remain cheery for Christmas. It's hard work, and something I wasn't prepared for. 

It scares me; the idea that in just 8 days, I'll be 21. That by January, I'll know whether or not I'll be starting my PGCE in September. That in 6 months, I'll be leaving Canterbury, and all the amazing friends and memories that I've made here, not knowing how long Mr T and I will last outside of uni. That in September, all going well, that I will be starting a year-long intense teacher training course that will see the beginning of my planned career. That in 18 months, I may become a qualified teacher, and enter the "working world"... It's all hit me at once, and it's made me realise that I'm really not prepared for these changes. 

I don't want to grow up... 

I promise tomorrow will be more of a cheery post, but I just needed to vent a little. 

Blogmas Day 7: Things That Make Me Happy (Christmas Edition)

1. Christmas Trees
Is there anything more Christmassy than putting up the tree as a family?

2. Christmas Lights
I walked through Canterbury City Centre the other night and was amazed at how beautiful the lights were!

3. Mistletoe
I've never even used mistletoe, but I like the idea of having a cheeky peck with someone special, just because a plant tells you to.

4. Wrapping Presents
Nothing gets me in the spirit more than wrapping gifts with colourful paper, string and bows!

5. Christmas Shopping
I love picking out the perfect gift for everyone I love.

6. Food
Christmas dinner, pigs in blankets, Toblerone, After Eights, MatchMakers, Ferrero Rochers... Need I go on?

7. Fairy Lights
I have fairy lights in my room all year round just to feel that much cosier.

8. Christmas Jumpers
*see previous post*

9. Advent Calendars
Is there anything more exciting than opening a new window each day?

10. Winter Coats
I recently bought one with a faux fur lining. best decision of my life.

11. Limited Edition Products
LUSH's Snow Fairy and Yankee Candle's Christmas Cookie are my favourites.

12. Fleecy Pyjamas
I bought some from Primark a few years ago with penguins on them - they're still going strong!

13. Family Time 
Everyone reunited in one room again with food, gifts and laughter.

14. Christmas Songs
They just make me so happy!

15. Christmas Films
I could literally watch Elf the whole year round!

What are your favourite things about Christmas? 

Blogmas Day 6: Christmas Playlist

There's only 19 days until Christmas. NINETEEN! If you weren't excited already, then now is a perfect time to blast out the perfect Christmas playlist to perk you up as you put up that tree! GO, GO, GO! 

1. It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas (Michael Bublé) 

2. Driving Home For Christmas (Chris Rea)

3. Do They Know It's Christmas (Band Aid 84)

4. Christmas Time (Don't Let The Bells End) (The Darkness)

5. Baby It's Cold Outside (Idina Menzel & Michael Bublé

6. I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day (Wizzard)

6. Fairytale of New York (The Pogues)

7. All I Want For Christmas Is You (Mariah Carey)

8. Santa Claus Is Coming To Town (The Jackson 5)

9. Let It Snow (Frank Sinatra) 

10. Real Love (Tom Odell) - I just had to...

What songs would you have in your playlist? Until tomorrow, my loves! x

Blogmas Day 2: Dear December

Dear December, 

It always seems like the year passes so quickly, in a complete blur, just to get back round to you. This year, you bring my 21st birthday, which I hope to celebrate over a few days with my closest friends, family and boyfriend. The last two birthdays have been a bit of a disappointment, but I have hope that this year, you'll make it worthwhile. 

December, you bring bitter weather, rain and winter coats, but also bring festive cheer and merriment among even the grumpiest of people. You make people happy with bright lights, decorations, and Christmas songs, and bringing people together to celebrate as one. 

Although I hate the cold, I love the excuse of being able to spend the day cuddling up in a blanket with the fairy lights on, watching Netflix and drinking hot chocolate. You give me that excuse, December. 

I know that this month is going to whizz past, and soon you'll just be another memory. But I also know that 2015 will be a quick one, and it won't be long until I see you again. 

Until next year,

A Few Of My Favourite Things

Hello, you lovely lot! My blogging schedule's been all over the place lately, with essay deadlines, personal statements to write, and generally just being a bit scatter-brained. So to make it up to you guys, I've decided to undertake Blogmas this year! I'll be blogging every single day from the 1st December until the 31st *squeals in excitement*!

As I'm sure you'll be seeing plenty from me very soon, I thought I'd do the "A Few Of My Favourite Things" tag! There are 20 categories, with 3 answers for each, so here it is! 

1. Products 

Snow Fairy shower gel - literally my favourite scent, ever!

Soap & Glory's The Breakfast Scrub - the best exfoliator I've ever used.

L'Oreal's Extraordinary Oil - to leave your hair soft and shiny!

2. Foods

White Chocolate Toblerone - just mmmmmmmm...

Pizza - so many flavours, so much taste. 

Passionfruit - my favourite flavour!

3. Places

My family home in Essex - no matter how long I'm away for, that'll always be my real home. 

The Chocolate Cafe - one of my favourite chill-out places in Canterbury. 

Florida - I miss going here every year </3

4. Things You'd Miss

My phone - I'd be pretty lost without it!

My boyfriend - sorry to be cringey. 

My family - again, cringe, but I don't know what I'd do without my mum, sister and brother!

5. Things You Do When You're Bored

Scroll through social media. 

Blog!

Read.

6. Things You Do When It's Sunny

Go for long walks

Sunbathe (if it's hot, of course)

Have a drink in a pub garden.

7. Films

Fight Club

Black Swan

Love Actually

8. Songs

Blackbird - The Beatles

Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen

Thunderstruck - ACDC

9. Brands

LUSH

Rimmel

Soap & Glory

10. Outdoor Things That You Like

Wild Flowers

Squirrels 

Buskers

11. Events 

Christmas

Halloween

My Birthday

12. Cartoons

Frozen

Finding Nemo

The Little Mermaid

13. Buildings

Canterbury Cathedral

London Bridge

The Eiffel Tower

14. Anything in Everyday Life

Catching up with friends

Date nights

When things go right

15. Traits in any person, not just partners. 

Honesty

Loyalty

Sense of humour

16. Influences 

I've drawn a complete blank here, sorry...

17. Drinks

Cocktails

Still lemonade 

Mountain Dew

18. Experiences 

Getting into university 

Climbing the Acropolis in Athens 

The view of Paris from the Eiffel Tower

19. Things to watch 

Breaking Bad

The Walking Dead

Orphan Black

20. Bloggers 

Student Life

All I Know Now 

Rebecca Coco

If you guys want to do this tag, leave the post in a comment below and I'll be sure to check it out! I'll also be attending the Bloggers Love Hub event on the 24th November, so if you're attending too, feel free to come and say hi! 

Stay beautiful! x

When Love Takes Over

So the typical story goes: boy meets girl, boy asks girl out, a relationship starts to blossom, and after a few months, they say their "I love you"'s, and everything's good. Mine and Mr T's story has always been a little... unconventional...

Boy meets girl, boy tells girl he likes her, girl says she has a boyfriend. Boy and girl stay friends, but after a while, girl starts to feel a little something for boy. Girl ends her relationship, and after a few weeks, boy and girl start seeing each other, making things official after about a month. Boy and girl are happy. Girl starts to realise that boy isn't happy anymore, so they end things. Boy and girl talk a little, before boy pisses off girl, and girl almost does something she'd regret to piss off boy in return. Although girl didn't do the bad thing, she tells boy anyway, and somehow this becomes a way for them to be friends again. Boy and girl come back to uni, and start seeing each other again. Things are rocky for a while, with no real definition of their relationship. Girl falls in love with boy, but boy seems indifferent. Christmas gives their relationship a definition, but boy still seems indifferent to girl. Girl finds herself getting upset over everything because she knows her feelings are a lot stronger than boy's. Boy does something little that really upsets girl, forcing her mind to bring up every little thing he's ever done, and pushes her over the edge. Girl goes crazy and gives boy an ultimatum. Boy gets his act together, and both are happy. Girl brings up the "I love you" issue, and asks why boy can't feel those things back. Boy tells girl that he's happy as he is, and he doesn't want to ruin their relationship by moving too fast. Girl thinks this is bullshit, but keeps her thoughts to herself for a while, before asking again a few months later. Boy tells girl he thinks he loves her, but won't say anything until he knows for sure. This makes girl happy. Until it's been another 3 months and boy still hasn't said anything. Girl tells boy outright that she loves him, and boy replies that that is the cutest thing he's ever heard. Girl is upset that boy still couldn't say it back. While drunk, boy tells girl he doesn't love her, whilst laughing. Girl asks boy the next day if that's true. Boy replies that he wouldn't say it's true, but he also wouldn't say that he 100% does love her. Girl is upset. Boy goes home for the weekend, still leaving the issue unsolved.

This was two weeks ago now. Imagine you were in my position. You've been in love with this guy for over a year, and you've been waiting the entire time for him to say it back... And it just never came. Imagine that it gets to the point where you start to think about your worth. That no matter how much you care about this guy, you know you deserve to be loved in return, and that if this guy can't give you that love, maybe you need to give up, and find someone who can. You think about how much you've compromised for this man, how many times you've let things slide, and that if he still can't love you, that glimmer of hope you've been holding onto for the last year, has gone out. You prepare yourself for an emotional, in depth conversation that could end one of two ways, and then...

A knock on your bedroom door surprised you, and Mr. T. walks in, with chocolate, Mountain Dew, and a determined look on his face. He closes the door, pulls you in for a cuddle, and says that he's been thinking about it on the train back, and for once, there have been no thoughts of doubt. No little voice in his head saying that he doesn't love me. And then he says it. The one thing you've been waiting to hear for over a year. I love you.

I'll admit, my reaction was more shocked than anything. I didn't run, crying into his arms. I gave an awkward kiss and a cuddle and put on Netflix. Maybe my reaction would have been more emotional if I hadn't have spent the last 4 days angrily thinking of reasons why we maybe shouldn't be together anymore. But it had an impact. Those thoughts are gone now. I'm happy, and for once, there's no voice in my head pestering me that he's not committed to us.

Now I'm not saying that, now he's finally said I love you, we're gonna be together forever, get married, and have kids. Who knows how long our relationship will last. That's not meaning to sound negative, but life is so unpredictable, it throws so many twists and turns, you never know how long things will last. I mean I don't even know how we're gonna cope past graduation this summer!

But I do know that right now, I feel relaxed. I feel happy. And I feel loved. Which is all that really matters, right?

New Beginnings

I've been slacking pretty badly with my #2014BloggerChallenges lately. I'll get the email with the topic, and completely forget to write it up. Bad, I know, but hey, I've been pretty busy lately! But here's this week's post about new beginnings.

I wasn't sure how to approach this. I'm entering my third and final year (not including my post-grad course next year) of university, and I didn't think that much had changed in comparison to the last two years. But I was pretty wrong. A LOT has changed in this past year that for months, made me an emotional ticking time bomb. One minute I'd be perfectly fine, and the next, I'd lock myself in my room and just cry to myself.

There was so much confusion with Mr. T. I went back to uni with no intention of getting back together with him at all. I wanted him to regret his choices, of course, but I didn't want to give him a second chance. He'd lost that right. But that changed when I saw him, and every memory I had with him came flooding back and sent me into a state of confusion. I didn't want to give him another chance. He'd hurt me, yet when he came to me wanting to talk, saying how he was also confused... I couldn't help but talk to him, and figure out what we wanted to do. I didn't want to jump back into a relationship, but I didn't want us to not try. It was one of the most confusing times for the both of us, and for about 5 or 6 months, I still didn't know if it was going to go anywhere - was it even a relationship yet?

And then in October, me and my then best-friend had a HUGE fall-out, one that I've been unsure about whether or not I should go into detail at some point on here... I've never argued with anyone that much before, never felt like I was being victimised (even though I know she felt the same way towards me). It was one of the most stressful times of my life. I just wanted for us to be friends again (she was like my sister), but I didn't want to give up my position and to say that I was in the wrong, when I genuinely didn't believe that I was, and I still don't. It didn't help that I had to live with her for the next 8 months, either. I've always been scared of confrontation, and this put my limits to the test, big time.

So this time, I'm looking forward to a new beginning, in a way. My relationship with Mr. T is the best it's ever been, and I'm so happy with him. I'm finally at a point where I feel stable. And I'm looking forward to living with two of my favourite people, with as minimal drama and arguments as possible *she says hopefully*. I have a part-time job to keep some money coming in so that I can save up for the costs of living next year, and I'm looking forward to just enjoying my final year at Kent with the people I love.

The Problem With Love

As far as relationships go, mine is pretty unconventional. Without counting our blip last summer, Mr T and I have been together for roughly a year and a half, which is pretty damn long! Yet, he's always had an issue with saying certain things.

He's not an emotional person by any means, so trying to get him to tell me what his issue with "I love you" is, has always been something I've struggled with. I mean sure, saying "I love you" for the first time is always hard. Is it the right time? Do I definitely feel that way? Do they feel the same? etc. etc. But when you know for sure that they do, that should make it easier, right?

About 6 months ago, I asked him why he couldn't feel those things. Yes, he cared about me a lot, but sometimes a girl just wants to be loved, and to know why someone can't yet feel that way. At that point, he told me that he thought it was to do with how things were with his ex, and that he's never truly loved anyone in that way before, so he doesn't know what it felt like.

At that point I knew that he didn't love me. They say that you know when you know, and he definitely didn't know.

I didn't bring it up again, but for the next few months after that, there was a huge change in our relationship, and I started to see a real difference in his actions. It seemed like maybe he was starting to feel things more.

About a month ago, I asked him why he's scared of emotional commitment, and I finally got the real answer. He explained that when you say you love someone, everything becomes so much more intense, and if something goes wrong, it's 100 times worse than if you didn't say that.

It's true, of course it is. But why does that have to stop you from saying that you love someone? I spent the weekend with him for his sister's wedding. A weekend surrounded by love and happiness, and all I wanted to do was tell him that I love him. But I couldn't help thinking that if I said that to him (even though he knows I do), he would feel pressured to say the same, even if he wasn't ready for it.

Love is one of the most powerful emotions we can feel as humans. And the most beautiful. To feel so strongly about another person is scary, especially if you've never experienced that before. But isn't it worth it to let those emotions out, and show the other person how much you care? Because even if something does go wrong, it would still hurt for you. Just because you don't tell someone how you feel, it doesn't stop you from feeling that way.

I'm still waiting for my "I love you". Don't stop someone else from hearing yours. Because trust me, there's nothing better than hearing the person you love say they love you too.

Acropolis of Athens

Well, it's certainly been a while, hasn't it! Apologies for the lack of posts over the last few weeks, but I've been so busy! I was in Athens for a week, then the day after I got home, I was off to Bolton to visit family, and I'm currently on my ONE day at home before heading to Sheffield for Mr T's sister's wedding! To be honest, I'm getting pretty sick of travelling!

I have some pretty exciting things coming up on this blog (stay tuned!), but until then, I wanted to share with you one of my favourite things about visiting Athens.

On my last day there, I decided to venture out into the city on my own, and climb the famous Acropolis hill to see the Parthenon and the ruins. I was told that the climb was torture, but I didn't find that at all!

I got lost on my way there, but found some of the cutest Greek streets and the most beautiful views. And I couldn't stop snapping pictures the entire climb; it was so breathtaking!

For those of you who are unaware of the Acropolis, this is it both during the day and night! Beautiful, right?

Once you reach the top, you can look at the ancient ruins, the most famous being the Parthenon. I had to take a selfie. 

But my favourite part about the Acropolis, was the astounding views I got to take in! I've never felt so calm and in awe of anything so much before. 

Who wouldn't be blown away by this? 

Things That Make Me Smile

 1. Thunderstorms - It calms me to watch the chaos from my window...
 2. Binge watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. - No matter how many times I watch it, it never gets old.
 3. Little kisses in public - Just a little PDA goes a long way with me.
 4. Summer - Skirts, shorts, dresses, sunbathing, beaches.
 5. Coming home for the holidays - It's nice to come back to my childhood home and just relax.
 6. Cake - One of the greatest creations, ever.
 7. Books - Escaping into another world and falling in love with the characters.
 8. Watching Mr. T. cook - He's a chef, and it totally fascinates me to see him in his element.
 9. Fireworks - The prettiest explosions in the sky.
10. Playing with dogs - Their energy translates through me. So adorable!
11. Painting my nails - I love changing the colour depending on my mood.
12. Singing in the car - And annoying the driver in the process!
13. Locking eyes with Mr. T. - When I can see the way he feels through his eyes...
14. Beaches - The sand in my toes, the sea, the sun...
15. Disney films - Never fail to make me smile.
16. Looking through old pictures - Makes me all nostalgic.
17. Unexpected cute texts - Feelings texts, out of the blue, makes me so so happy!
18. Christmas - The decorations, the lights, the excitement... My favourite time of the year!
19. Doughnuts - This needs no explanation.
20. Kisses on the forehead - The cutest form of affection in the world.
21. Coloured pens - Makes notes so much more exciting!
22. Long walks - There's something therapeutic about walks.
23. Cocktails - The only way to make alcohol taste good!
24. Back rubs - The perfect way to unwind (props to Mr. T's back rubs. They're awesome!)
25. Fairy lights - Makes the room so much more relaxing.
26. Bubble baths - LUSH baths are just the best.
27. Watching the sun set/rise - Finishing work at 5am has its perks sometimes.
28. Cuddles - I can't get enough cuddles.
29. Baking - Tasting the end result is the best part.
30. Pyjama days - Complete comfort and relaxation.
31. Mushy conversations - They don't come often, but it's great when Mr. T. says how he feels.
32. Matching underwear - Is there any better way to make us girls feel confident?
33. Mummy hugs - Sometimes this is all it takes to make you feel better.
34. Comfortable silences - Being able to enjoy someone's company, without having to speak...
35. Holding hands - The simplest way to show your affection.
36. Cats - I blame Mr. T. and his cat for this one. There's something calming about stroking a cat...
37. Getting ready for nights out - The hair, the makeup, the outift... I love the whole process!
38. Scented candles - Anything with a sweet smell and I'm sold!
39. Writing letters - Actual letters, with an actual pen and paper! I miss that.
40. Tight hugs - I can't even describe how happy these make me.
41. Tapas - Lots of mini portions of lots of types of food? *salivates*
42. Wearing Mr. T's hoody/t-shirt - There's just something comforting about it.
43. Being close to my brother/sister - Knowing that I can talk to them about anything.
44. Snow - When watching it fall from the sky, it can be so beautiful.
45. Catch-ups with old friends - As if no time has passed since the last time you met up.
46. Mr. T's smile - As disgusting as it sounds, his smile makes me smile right back.
47. Peeling dead skin - So satisfying! I even do it to Mr. T, despite him finding me revolting for it ;)
48. Starbucks frappucinos - The perfect blend of coffee and sweetness!

Summer Staples

I was recently contacted by Raise.com and was asked to write a fashion post about my summer wardrobe. I've been meaning to write more fashion posts over the past few months, so this was the perfect opportunity to do so!

Raise.com is an online marketplace, where you can sell unwanted gift cards and buy them back at a discounted rate. I loved the concept of this, as it means you can buy a gift card for yourself or as a gift, for cheaper than the price of the actual gift card! There's a ton of reputable brands included (some of my favourites being Target, Sephora, Bath & Body Works, SO many!), and it makes me wish I lived in the US so I could take full advantage of the site (although I've been told that they're looking to expand into other countries soon!). So without further ado, here are my favourite summer fashion items!

Bikinis

Living in the UK, the weather's always pretty unpredictable. But when summer rolls around, it's holiday time, and I love shopping for the perfect bikinis to wear at the beach. All three of these are from Primark, paired with a pair of sandals. 

Shorts

I love wearing shorts all year round, but it's great to be able to wear them without a pair of tights underneath! I love floral print, and this pair from Forever 21 flatter my body shape perfectly. I like to pair these with a simple plain top so I don't over-do it, and these little heels from New Look.  

The second pair of shorts are from Topshop, and are high-waisted, paired with this half cropped top, half laced top from Primark. I love that this can be dressed up or down with the right pair of shoes!

Dresses

As mentioned before, I love the floral print during summer, and this dress from Forever 21 is perfect!

I love wearing maxi dresses during summer! They're light enough to be worn during the day without working up a sweat, and perfect to wear in the evening!

This one is from Primark. I was drawn to the aztec print, and thought it'd be perfect to wear for my holiday in Greece. 

I bought this from New Look last year for my uni's summer ball, and again, it's versatile enough to be work during the day, or in the evening. 

This last one is from Primark, and I was drawn to its classiness. It would look great if I were to wear it out for cocktails with the girls, or a nice dinner with Mr. T. 

So there you are! My top summer staples! I hope you enjoyed it, and be sure to check out Raise.com! 

My degree choice

When we got given the topic of film for the #2014BloggerChallenge, I was immediately drawn to writing about my chosen university degree. For those of you who don't know, I do Film Studies at the University of Kent, a decision that I do not regret in the slightest! But even though I love my course, whenever I mention it, I still get sniggers from people who state that it's not a "real degree".

Sure, Film may not be as standard a degree as say, a science or Maths degree, but why does that make it any less valid? Of course a Maths or Science degree would be necessary to get into a career in that industry, but I've never had any interest in that field, so why would I choose to intensely study something for 3 years that I absolutely hate?

I was never 100% certain of what career path I wanted to go into. All I knew was that I had a passion for the creative subjects like English, Media and Film (all of which ended up being my 3 A-Level subjects!). Teaching was always a career option for me (that I'm choosing to pursue currently), but I only needed to do a PGCE (Post-Grad Certificate of Education - a year-long course, half spent studying, half placed in a school) after I had completed an undergraduate degree. So really, I could have picked any degree that I wanted, as long as I would be able to provide a suitable explanation for my choice when applying for PGCE courses.

I'm a firm believer of doing what you love, not what you think you should do. University has such a big effect of your life, it would be stupid to spend it doing something you hate, surely? For me, Film was something I loved to explore; analysing the meanings behind them, in some cases comparing them to the books they were adapted from, even creating my own film projects. It's something I really enjoy, so why should I be belittled because of that? If I'm going to pay a ridiculous amount of money for a degree, you can be damn sure I'm gonna enjoy it!

Insecurity

*Watch Ingrid's video before reading!*

After watching this video, it got me thinking about insecurities and how they affect us in a big way. Everyone has their own insecurities, whether it's a physical attribute, or something about their personality or mentality. Each and every one of them is as valid as the other. I figured I'd write about my insecurities and my thoughts on the topic, as I do with everything I write here, in the hope it'll inspire you to do the same. I feel like it could be a little therapeutic, too. 

I've never really told this story to anyone before, but it feels a lot easier to tell it in writing rather than face-to-face. I don't remember having anything that bothered me about myself in primary school, none of the kids picked on me or anything. It wasn't until my first week of secondary school that one of my insecurities was introduced by two boys in my DT class. They'd decided it'd be a fun idea to hold two rulers against their own noses, and say that that was what mine looked like. I was never aware that my nose was any different to anyone elses, because until that point, it hadn't been pointed out to me. But after that moment, for years, my nose became a huge insecurity for me, it still is now. Every time I looked in a mirror, I saw this massive clump of skin and bone in the middle of my face, sticking out from everything else; I saw myself as ugly. It's not that it's just long either, there's a ridge in it from when I ran into a bookcase when I was younger (I'm sure that was the story, my mum will correct me if I'm wrong!) which made it stand out to me even more. 

All thanks to those two ignorant boys, this one imperfect feature became a centre point for my insecurities and  for my misery. Anytime somebody was looking at me oddly, I decided they were staring at my nose. If kids were whispering to each other in class, it was obviously about my nose. For years, I decided that when I was older, I'd save up money for plastic surgery to make it smaller and straighter, just so I could be like everyone else. How crazy is that? A 12 year old wanting a nose job... 

That's still my biggest insecurity, but it's become a lot less prominent over the last few years. Maybe I've just got used to it, and it's not such a big deal to me anymore. Maybe after 20 years, I've stopped caring about these physical imperfections so much. Whatever it is, it's made a huge difference to me.

Do I suddenly think that my nose is perfect? Absolutely not. I'm not happy with it, but I no longer let that bother me so much. Everybody has little things that they wish they could change about themselves, whether it's a facial feature, weight, the size of their boobs (or if you're male, the size of your penis, even!), how many moles you have on your body, the amount of hair on your body, anything can become an insecurity. So if everybody has them, why do we let them bother us so much? Why don't we all just get on with them and accept that everybody is different? Not one person in the world is perfect, despite what people may think. For example, if you found one person in the world who was your representation of perfection, I can guarantee that that person would not agree. They would have at least one thing that they would change about themselves.

Everybody has days where they feel ugly, or not at their best, but nobody should ever feel like that 100% of the time. I encourage whoever is reading this, to share your insecurities, to let people know that they're completely normal. If you have a blog, please write a post in response to this, and leave the link in the comments section! If you don't, talk about your insecurities to a parent, a sibling, a friend even. Insecurities are a completely normal thing to have, don't let them take over your life. 

Emotional Attachment

Ooooh, it's been a while, hasn't it! Complaining about relationship issues was my favourite topic until things started to run smoothly! It's not that I'm writing this to complain exactly, but more to vent my frustrations.

My relationship with Mr. T. is a little... unconventional, I suppose. Unlike most couples I know, we don't talk everyday; something that used to bother me a lot. It made me feel like he didn't care about me enough to ask how I was, or to see what I was up to, or even just to chat for the sake of chatting to his girlfriend. And then I'd do that stupid girl thing and look at when he was last online on Facebook and WhatsApp (stalking sessions are the best) and find out that he'd been talking to his friends perfectly fine, or absent-mindedly scrolling though his newsfeed to pass the time, but couldn't find any spare moment in the day to talk to me. I mean long-distance relationships are hard enough already without the added annoyance of one half's neglect for communication (I'm not just talking texts here: phone calls, Skype, WhatsApp, FaceBook Messenger, everything). He'd rather spend his free time with his friends or on his PS3, which bothered me immensely before I realised it wasn't that important, as long as there wasn't huge gaps between talking, and when we did talk, there was actual conversation there, not just pointless chatter.

We've both been really happy for the last few months. But as I mentioned, our relationship isn't as standard as most. With me, it takes a while for me to trust someone, to be able to let them into my life in such a big way. But when I do, I open up fully to them. And I really begin to fall for them. The big L-O-V-E. Mr. T. on the other hand, has always been a closed book. We've been together for over a year (not including our blip last year), but he's never been able to fully open up, never been able to say those words to me, because he's scared of emotional attachment.

And the thing that bothers me is that he won't tell me exactly what it is that's so hard to let himself go, to feel these emotions that everyone else seems perfectly capable of feeling after a certain time. I know that him not being able to feel these things doesn't lessen how much he cares about me, but still, I can't say that it doesn't bother me, because it really does. Imagine being in a relationship with someone who you love entirely, even through all their faults and annoyances, who you know no other girl would put up with... but who, for some reason, can't reciprocate that same emotion.

I don't want this to give the impression that I'm in a bad relationship, because I'm really not. We're both the happiest we've ever been together. It's just when we're apart for long periods of time, it makes me think about these things a lot more than I would normally. It's just a little shitty, I guess...

Summer Bucket List

This weeks #2014BloggerChallenge, was to write a summer bucket list! I love this challenge so much, and came up with a list of 20 things I want to do before going back to uni in September!

1. Go on holiday 

I've booked flights to stay with my friend Alison (you can check out her blog here) in Greece in the middle of August, so this should be pretty simple to complete!

2. Do different things when Mr. T visits

Mr. T being "the boy" (thanks Betsy, for helping me come up with an online name for him! T is the initial of his first name!). I've been trying to come up with a list of things that we could do when he visits Essex to make things more interesting. So far I have "Southend-on-Sea" aaaaaand, that's about it! I'll keep working on this one!

3. Make ice cream floats

I used to make these ALL the time! Ice cream and coke... It sounds disgusting, but the result is a perfect concoction of fizz and cream.

4. Go on a road trip

A few friends, just go for a drive and end up somewhere we've not been to. Simple.

5. Eat ice cream at the beach

This could probably be achieved if me and Mr. T end up at Southend, but there's just something satisfying about watching the waves while eating an ice cream.

6. Visit uni friends

In particular, my friends Kirstie and Beth (my current and future housemates!), who both live around the Cambridge area. I've been promised a night out that I'm determined to fulfil this year!

7. Have a London tourist day

Simple, really. I've lived near London for my entire life, so I never get to do the whole "tourist" thing, like taking pictures outside the big landmarks and just taking in the scenery.

8. Go to somewhere new

This is again, quite simple. I want to visit somewhere I've never been before.

9. Swim in the sea

Believe it or not, I've never actually swum in a sea. I don't trust the English waters, but I'll 100% get to fulfil this wish when I'm in Greece! Clear waters and sun!

10. Bake more

Cupcakes, brownies, cookies, you name it, I want to make it!

11. Get a decent tan

Easier said than done. I want to be brown, not bright red, after my holiday!

12. Read more

I've actually just placed an order on Amazon for £55, purely on books, so this should be easy!

13. Go to a theme park

I haven't been to a theme park in years! Thorpe Park or Alton Towers is calling my name. I just need a car and friends willing to go!

14. Take more pictures

I've been pretty good with this lately, as I've really started getting into taking pictures for my blog, but I want to have a load of photos that I can look back at in a year or two.

15. Start yoga

It's so relaxing and beneficial, but for some reason, I can never be bothered to start!

16. Dip-dye my hair

Last summer, I dip-dyed my hair both purple and blue, and loved the results. I'd like to try that again.

17. See my friends more often

Last summer, I was too busy moping around or complaining about money to go out with my friends. I want that to change.

18. Clean out my junk

Get rid of all the unnecessary crap lying around in my room!

19. Summer-ise my wardrobe

Cut jeans into shorts, tie-dye some stuff, just make it more summery!

20. Make juice ice cubes and add Sprite

Super simple! I saw a Pinterest post, and you literally freeze fruit juice into ice cubes, and add Sprite. Sounds delicious!

What's on your summer bucket list?

Ducklings, Boats and Burgers

I spent a few days last week visiting the boy (I like to not use his name online, but if someone could come up with an alternative to "boyfriend" that I could use in future posts, please do in the comments. It would be much appreciated!) in Cambridgeshire, where I was treated to good weather, food and views! Of course I took a few snaps to capture the beauty of the weekend...

I think I've mentioned in a previous post that his parents run a pub in this cute little village. Last week they hosted their annual hog roast with live music, food and a great atmosphere. I was unfortunately way too excited about the food to actually take a picture of it! 

The following day, we went out on the "Bon King" boat (get it? If you don't, your mind is too innocent! xD), with his parents, where I drank, sunbathed, fed the ducklings, and admired the views from the river. 

We then went to the cutest pub garden for dinner and wine. 

On my last day, we ventured into Cambridge for dinner before my train home. We'd both heard a lot about Byron Burger from friends, so decided to give it a try, and my-oh-my! We were not disappointed! 

I went for the Classic Cheeseburger, while he went for the Byron Burger (with fries and homemade chips for sides).

My favourite part of this place was the milkshakes though! Thick and creamy, I went for the Oreo while he opted for Chocolate. Both were exquisite. 

Have you been anywhere interesting lately? Leave it in the comments, I'd love to hear your own experiences! 

Happy Birthday, Confessions of an Essex Girl!

How much can change in a year, huh? It's mad to think that the whole reason I started this blog was to have a place to write down and rant about the issues I was having with the end of my relationship and now, exactly a year on, I've been back with said ex for quite some time, and I can honestly say I can't remember us being so happy before. As you're reading this, I'll be on a train to stay with him for his parents' pub's annual summer hog roast (apparently it's this big thing!). I've even been invited to his sister's wedding this August, something this time last year I wouldn't have even imagined. This past year has definitely proved to me that second chances aren't necessarily a bad thing, and that they can improve things drastically!

I joined the #2014BloggerChallenge this year, and gained some of the most wonderful readers through this! I've reached about 60 followers on Bloglovin, which I'm so so proud of. Even though a lot of bloggers wouldn't think that that's a lot, I disagree completely. Imagine 60 people in a room. That's a lot of people. People that enjoy reading little slices of my life. And that makes me incredibly happy.

I read all of your comments, and I appreciate every single one of them. It makes me smile that some of you would take the time out of your day to read and comment on my posts.

So here I am, a year on, back in Essex for the summer, where I've made some wonderful friends through this little blog, been able to grow as a writer, and even write about topics that I've now become more confident about writing (beauty/fashion etc.). I know a lot of bloggers run competitions for their blog birthdays, or giveaways. I can't afford to offer you free stuff if I'm honest, nor do I have any connections with companies to get them for you. But I can offer my complete gratitude.

Thank you so much for reading (heck, even enjoying) my little blog. Let me know in the comments what's your favourite type of blog post! And here's to another year of Confessions of an Essex Girl!

I love you guys!!!

Michael Kors Dupe

After years of reading beauty/fashion blogs and watching Youtube videos, it seems like almost every "big" beauty blogger has a Michael Kors watch. I've become a victim of desire and trust me, if I had a spare £250, I would have had me one of these a long time ago!

I was on the search for a more affordable watch for work, stumbled across this beauty in River Island, and was shocked at how similar it is to the Michael Kors Rose Gold watches that everyone and their mother seems to be in love with.

(Left: Michael Kors, Right: River Island)

The River Island images look a little more gold than rose-gold, but in real life, they're a lot rosier! I had to have a few of the links removed by a jeweller (I have chicken arms!), but the actual watch only cost me £28, which considering how similar it is to the Michael Kors ones, is saving me a hell'a lotta dollar! 

I've even been stopped by people I was serving at work, asking me if it was a Michael Kors watch! It's that similar!

You can buy the watch here or in most River Island stores!